One of the most persistent myths in divorce and custody litigation is the belief that courts automatically favor mothers when determining custody arrangements. Many fathers enter the process assuming they are at a disadvantage before the case even begins, while some mothers believe the law presumptively supports their position as the primary custodial parent. This is an outdated assumption.

Today, custody determinations are intended to be gender neutral. Courts are required to focus on one central issue which is serving the best interests of the child.

Understanding how custody decisions are actually made can help improve co-parenting discussions, and allow parents to focus on the factors the court is truly likely to consider.

One of the most common misconceptions about divorce in New Jersey is the belief that spouses must become “legally separated” before they can file for divorce. Many people assume there is a formal court process that changes their marital status while they remain married but live apart.

Unlike some other states, New Jersey does not recognize legal separation as a formal legal status. While spouses may choose to live separately before or during divorce proceedings, they remain legally married until a final judgment of divorce is entered by the court.

Why People Assume Legal Separation Exists

One of the most persistent misconceptions about divorce in New Jersey is the belief that “permanent alimony” means that alimony lasts forever. People hear the phrase and assume that once support is ordered, it can never be modified or terminated regardless of changes in circumstances. That is not how New Jersey law works today.

Following significant statutory reforms in 2014, New Jersey’s approach to long-term alimony has evolved. What was once commonly referred to as “permanent alimony” is now known as open durational alimony. While this type of support does not have a fixed end date at the time it is awarded, it is not automatically lifelong and may be modified or terminated when circumstances exist.

The Term “Permanent Alimony” Causes Confusion

One of the most common questions people ask during divorce is whether alimony payments are still tax deductible. Many individuals remember that alimony was once treated in a specific way for federal tax purposes, and they assume that those rules still apply.

In many cases, that assumption is no longer correct.

The tax treatment of alimony changed significantly in recent years. For may people going through divorce today, alimony is no longer deductible to the payor and is no longer considered taxable income to the recipient. However, the answer is not the same in every case. It depends largely on when the alimony obligation was established.

One of the most common misconceptions about divorce in New Jersey is the belief that alimony can be calculated using a fixed formula. It is assumed Courts use a chart, calculator, or statewide guideline, similar to child support, that tells exactly what amount should be paid and for how long. That is not how alimony in New Jersey works.

Unlike child support, New Jersey does not use formal alimony guidelines. There is no mandatory formula that automatically determines the proper amount or duration of spousal support. Instead, courts evaluate a series of statutory factors and apply them to the specific facts of each case.

For many people going through divorce this can be frustrating as a formula feels predictable and creates the impression of a simple answer. But New Jersey’s approach reflects the reality that marriages, incomes, and family structures vary too much for one-size-fits-all calculations to produce fair results.

One of the most persistent myths about divorce is the belief that marital assets must be divided equally. Many people enter the divorce process assuming that everything including the marital home, business interests, retirement accounts, will automatically be split down the middle.

In New Jersey, that assumption is incorrect. While some cases result in an equal division, New Jersey law does not require a 50/50 split of marital assets. Instead, courts apply the principle of equitable distribution.

Understanding the difference between “equal” and “equitable” is essential to setting realistic expectations when divorcing in New Jersey.

One of the most common misconceptions about divorce is the belief that spouses must live apart for a specific period of time before they file for divorce.

In New Jersey, physical separation is not required before filing for divorce. While separation can be relevant in certain cases, it is not required in order to begin the divorce process.

Separation Is Only One Possible Ground for Divorce

One of the most common concerns people raise when considering divorce is whether the location of their marriage limits where they can file for divorce. This question often arises for couples who married out of state, married abroad, or relocated years after their wedding.

This is an understandable concern that I often hear in my practice. Going through a divorce is an already uncertain experience for clients, and misinformation about jurisdiction can create unnecessary stress. Fortunately, New Jersey law is clear on this issue: where you were married usually does not determine where you may file for divorce.

What matters instead is whether the New Jersey court has legal authority over the case.

Many people contemplating divorce assume that to separate from their spouse they will need to participate in a courtroom trial. The thought of a “divorce trial” is often reinforced by television, social media, and stories passed down from prior generations. In reality this is no longer how divorce works in New Jersey today.

Over the past several decades, particularly since the 1980s and through significant procedural and statutory reforms in the 2000s and 2010s, New Jersey’s family court system has shifted away from routine trials. Courts now place strong emphasis on settlement, structured negotiation, and practical resolution.

Understanding this reality can help to reduce a divorce client’s anxiety and help them approach the divorce process with clearer expectations.

When someone is considering divorce, misinformation often creates unnecessary fear. Social media, online forums, and well-meaning friends frequently repeat outdated or incorrect assumptions about how divorce works in New Jersey. The result is confusion, increased anxiety, and poor decision-making at a time when clarity matters most.

Over the past several decades, particularly since the 1980s and accelerating through statutory reforms in the 2000s and 2010s, New Jersey divorce law has evolved significantly. For people in their 30s, 40s, and early 50s, much of what they “know” about divorce is often based on how divorces worked for their parents or grandparents. Courts today place far greater emphasis on settlement, fairness, and practical outcomes, rather than rigid rules or outdated assumptions. Yet many myths persist, often making an already difficult process more stressful than necessary.

Below are some of the most common misunderstandings and what New Jersey law actually requires.